A bit borrowed…

  What Causes Love to Go Away?

Q

What does it take to sustain a happy and successful relationship/marriage?

A

Although the differences between men and women have been much emphasized, there’s one thing that both sexes must do in a relationship: Rescue love. Relationships are happy where love is nurtured. They begin to fray around the edges when love is compromised, and they end when love is gone. What causes love to go away?
Many answers have been offered—boredom, routine, various distractions, outside obligations, fixation on work, wandering libido, lack of trust. But instead of dealing with such a long list item by item, there might be a simpler way. If you can rescue love every day, bringing yourself back to the place where love is, all the other problems don’t have a chance to grow.
To rescue love, you first must understand what it is. Love includes affection but is more than affection. It associates itself with sexual desire, kindness, compassion, altruism, and mutual regard. With those things in mind, many couples turn love into loving acts and loving feelings. But such efforts are the effect of love, not love itself. You cannot turn an effect into a cause. For example, if you find out that your partner has cheated, you have a reason not to love him or her. Trying to be nice instead of nasty won’t revive your love.
If you can discover how love works as a cause, you can rescue it every day.
Love as a cause goes beyond the individual. It’s transpersonal or as spiritual teachers say, transcendent. That’s not the same as mystical. To transcend means to go beyond. In this case, we want to contact love that goes beyond the ego. The ego is often put in charge of love. When love becomes what “I” want, then relationship is a negotiation between two selfish points of view. There’s nothing wrong with negotiating the everyday details of your relationship—who does the dishes, when to have sex, how to have sex, etc.—but love isn’t about trade-offs and what happens in bed.
Love beyond the ego has to be on a new basis. It’s not about quid pro quo, giving as long as you get to take. It’s mutual. It exists in a space between two people. The only way to be deeply happy in a relationship is to find that space every time you lose it. In this way, love goes beyond affection and being nice. Loving acts blossom naturally once you find the place in your own awareness that is love. Needless to say, becoming aware is a process, in love as in everything.
“If you can rescue love every day, bringing yourself back to the place where love is, all the other problems don’t have a chance to grow.”
Consider how relationships develop. We get along well with someone else who agrees with our point of view. We feel an intimate connection; we feel validated in their presence. Then the spell is broken. The other person turns out to have many opinions and beliefs where we don’t agree at all. At this point, the war between right and wrong starts and the road to unhappiness unwinds.
The very fact that you are intimately related makes it even more painful to find areas of disagreement. At the subtle emotional level you feel abandoned. The beautiful sense of merging with someone you love is shattered. At this point love is compromised. Both people feel the return of the ego, which says, “I am right. My way of doing things is the only way. If you really loved me, you’d give in.”
When the need to be right fades, we stop having so many grievances and resentments, which are the fallout of making someone else wrong. Instead of wasting time with the ego’s version of love, return to the place of love. To detach yourself from anger, resentment, and the sense of being a victim happens only in the space beyond ego. You can only find this space by devoting yourself to knowing who you really are. Leaving the ego behind is the same as the spiritual quest for the true self.
“Instead of wasting time with the ego’s version of love, return to the place of love. To detach yourself from anger, resentment, and the sense of being a victim happens only in the space beyond ego.”
When two people are on this quest, they are on the journey to a kind of love that can never be taken away. The differences between a man and a woman fade in the light of a shared goal that is bigger than any ego need or desire. Every day becomes both a rescue and a surrender. Not a surrender to another person’s ego, which can only feel like defeat. Rather, both partners surrender to the larger goal. 

 
The ego’s path is much easier to walk and far more familiar. I know that someone is on the path of love when they ask the following kinds of questions about their relationship every day:
Which choice is more loving?

What will bring peace between us?

How awake am I?

What kind of energy am I creating?

Am I acting out of trust or distrust?

Do I feel what my partner is feeling?

Can I give without expecting anything in return?

These questions don’t have automatic answers. They serve instead to wake you up spiritually. They attune you to a process that is more than “me” and “you.” When you become devoted to that process together, you and your partner will accomplish what seems impossible: Your happiness will be as full for each of you as it is for the two of you together. 

 

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Grief, no one gets out of here without it

  A

very wise person once said to me, “Life is one long process of grieving. We begin by grieving the loss of possessions and relationships, and we move toward grieving the loss of people or of our own physical or mental abilities that were once so natural. We grieve the loss of dreams and a former way of life.
This is the natural progression of grief and one that is to be expected as we navigate through our lives.
But there is also unnatural grief, and this is perhaps the hardest to accept. Sudden, gut-wrenching, life-altering grief – like a fatal accident or a fatal heart attack. Or slow, torturing grief that cannot have a good outcome. Like terminal cancer.

Nobody gets out of this life without experiencing grief. The one guarantee in this life is that you WILL experience grief in some way. We can’t change this, but we all must find a way to live with it.”

Spirit Recognition 

  I have worked in acute psychiatry for two decades now, I practice psychotherapy. The contextual setting of my practice is currently is spent between two acute inpatient psychiatric hospitals. There is absolutely nothing anyone can tell me or show me that will surprise me or that I will ever doubt as I have been afforded the opportunity to work with some of the most brilliant humans beings. In my downtime one of my favourite hobbies is researching and delving deeper into the paranormal.

 

Approximately two weeks ago I ventured into an old house up the hill and across the street from where I live. I have always felt an unsettled energy when walking or driving past this particular house for nearly fourteen years now. It has been abandoned here on the hill for well over forty years. Like I said, approximately two weeks ago I went into the house by myself for an informal investigation. While in the house I snapped a few pictures, yet they came out completely black at the time. After I got home I discovered images in two of the photographs (pictures not supplied with story). I had my EVP and EMF meters with me and decided to use them. What I received through my EVP was a little boy by the name of “Mathew” who lived there along with his Father “Philip” and his Mother “Sonja”. “Mathew” told me he died by choking on a sponge one morning when his Mother and Father were outback gardening. “Mathew” went on to provide me with words as ground, sponge, drowned, Mother, Father, sorry and regret. Of course at the time I felt all this to be quite peculiar having nothing to connect these words with and not giving this experience another thought.

 

13 days later.

I was conducting a standard psychiatric interview at one of hospitals I currently work at, which since the beginning of my career as a psychotherapist I have administered thousands of these interviews. The patients’ name (of course all names have been changed because of patient confidentiality) is Terri. Terri is a twenty seven year old single female who has never been married and just recently relocated here from Montana. Terri had a child out of wedlock while a sophomore at college, the child is in the custody of her parents. Terri describes her child as uncontrollable and difficult to manage.

 

This was Terri’s first acute psychiatric admission. Terri’s initial presenting problem to the emergency department was “gross internal disorganisation, inability to care for herself and walking in traffic”. Terri was bought to the emergency department by the Police department. Terri also has Epilepsy and had reportedly had seven or eight Grand Mall seizures approximately forty eight hours before being found walking in traffic.  

My first thought after having gathered this information was that this was not a mental health crisis yet rather a neurological crisis, nevertheless Terri was admitted directly from the emergency department to the inpatient acute psychiatric unit for observation and medical stabilisation.

 

During the interview Terri presented quite foggy in affect. Flat and vacant providing a flagrant difficulty accessing information as well as pulling information out of and was presenting as quite the unreliable historian. Both Terri’s UDS (Urine Drug Screen) and blood work came back unremarkable which is an indication that none of her behaviour was drug induced. I decided to come back the following day given Terri’s drastic recent change in mental status and inability to properly engage in a psychiatric interview.

 

The following day Terri presented remarkably clearer and medically stable with absolutely no recollection of the events that led to the Police being called and being admitted to the emergency department for “bizarre behaviour in the community”. We went through the standard intake questions all of which was congruent with what the emergency department Social worker was able to gather after having spoken to her parents in Montana.

 

Terri had suffered from Epilepsy since she was eight, she is unable to work due to her Epilepsy yet takes care of a friends (Terri’s word) little boy from time to time for extra money to supplement her Social Security Disability income. Toward the end of the interview I always ask the question about spiritual care and religious orientation. Terri went on to tell me she had been seeing a spiritual advisor/counsellor/friend who had the name of “Sonja” for the last seven years and it was “Sonja’s” son “Mathew” who Terri watches after to earn extra money.

I just found my ninth dime in the last thirteen days…

  The meaning of number ten deals with returning to our center, coming full circle. Ten holds a vibration of unity, as well as fresh starts. 

If the number One symbolizes the beginning (& it does), then we can say that the number Ten represents the outcome, result, or achievement of that first step or beginning. 

The most profound message number Ten hails is “whatever we sew, we shall now reap.” In other words, “what comes around goes around. ” 

Ten also represents fulfillment, attainment, and completion. These attributes are obtained by observing the Ten containing all the elementary numbers from 1 to 9. As such, Ten is a vessel holding all the jumbled up potential found in the language of numbers. 

Ten is also a bit slippery because reduced – it turns back to number One – hence, again – a full circle, coming to the beginning – finding unity (all is one, one is all). 

That you are picking up a great deal of dimes is quite a good sign. Specifically, dimes may be symbolic of shiny opportunities coming your way that you once thought were lost to you. 

Remember Tens are strong representation of recycling events (full circle) – a dime is a superior symbolic symbol of such phenomenon. Consider how many times a dime (or any money for that matter) is recycled through our society. 

Symbolic dimes provide messages of lost opportunities regained. Things we thought we should not or could not do are beginning to resurface. Our energies are being recycled. Our intellectual currency is on the brink of change. 

Shiny, bright and round…these dimes on your path are beacons of promise. They hold the meaning of number Ten firmly in their vibration and that is: “Events are coming full circle. Cast off the old, and don the new. Step into the beginning that is for your greatest good.”

The Human Brain

  “If the adult brain was put into the mind of a child, it would take that child into their 80’s before they learned to walk. This is because they would be so focused on the fear of falling or stumbling instead of being focused on learning.”